Splashback, Nose Mining, and Deep Breathing

Work has been slow lately so I have had the freedom to think a bit. One thought that keeps returning is how nasty grown men are. I make the trip to the restroom several times a day. Nothing out of the ordinary, just standard visits. Being a fairly aware individual I can't help but notice the fruits of some habits that really rub me the wrong way.

Men have the ability to direct flow by virtue of their anatomic design features. Like any gun, you point and shoot.....so to speak. The fluids to be expelled can be easily directed toward the receptacles designed to receive them. No rocket science needed, at a minimum just one eye focusing toward the target. Why is it then that so much of the stuff ends up on the floor and all over the sides of the urinal? I have no proof but I daresay that some blokes purposely angle the stream such that they achieve optimum splashback. Maybe there is a secret society I am not a member of. All I know is I am tired of standing in the waste of others while making a donation of my own. By the way, I am anal about the angle of flight thing. Different shaped urinals call for different angles of attack and I know how to achieve a splashbackless visit!

So while enjoying the experience of being forced to stand in, on, or near urine, I also get the dubious pleasure of staring at nose giblets mined from the nostrils of these lads with the misguided weapon systems. Why in the name of all that is good in this world would someone feel compelled to relieve themselves of foreign nasal objects right there while they should be more focused on flow direction. I'm starting to see a connection here. Now I understand that all humans are susceptible to foreign objects cropping up in the nose. I'm no exception. I do however feel there should be a removal protocol that doesn't involve multitasking at the urinal. Someone please tell me if I'm wrong here. The 30 seconds or so it takes to relieve oneself should not subject the individual to glaring at the nasal waste of the previous customers.

Now on to the last of my gripes de toilet. Why in heaven's name do individuals perform he-hoo breathing while releasing the hounds? I must have missed that day in class too! Maybe it's just because there are a lot of middle aged fat guys on my floor at work who use the same restroom as I do so I am hypersensitive to this phenomenon. I've noticed that most of them breathe like they are running, in labor, or having relations. I have checked myself and I do not do this. I employ the stealth mode at work where if you couldn't see my feet you would have no idea I was even in the next stall. I don't announce my presence by creating a vocal wind tunnel of funk to add to the wonderful aroma of the place. I just sit, shit, and hit the bricks.

My aim (haha) is not to offend anyone here. I just marvel sometimes at how humans behave; especially at work. Hopefully my job will get more interesting soon so I can put my mind toward something more worthwhile. If not, I'll find something else to complain about.....guaranteed!